" Who would let you on the radio?"

Back in 2011, I was having a bit of a mental one, some may say a mental breakdown or just being a bit of a crazy but I was having a bit of a bad time and needed some kind of new hobby to tickle my creative talons but aside from that I started doing a few shows on Future Radio - http://futureradio.co.uk/ , a community radio station based in Norwich. This station is absolutely fantastic, everyone that works there, or at least who I have met, have been pretty crazy ( like myself) and down to earth people.

 I can imagine that quite a few radio stations are filled with obnoxious and pretentious arseholes who don't give you the time of day because they are listening to bands that haven't even formed yet, or the kind of people who are so far up themselves because they know more about music than you do. As far as I'm concerned as long as you know who The Cure, The Who, Bruce Springsteen and The Smiths are from back in the hey day then I think you're doing okay.

I used to do a 3 hour show with a lad called +Jay Lawrence, at first I was a bit sceptical about doing a show with him, he seemed to know far much more about presenting and music than I did, which would make sense why I made him work the desk whilst I just talk about christmas jumpers. Once we started though, we moulded quite well and I think he just about caught on to my humour.
We both went our separate ways and I am now back in the hot seat, oh yeah mama, I'm going it alone this time!

I had a bit of a co-hosting session today which was beneficial, the bloke I was shadowing wasn't the most eccentric of chaps but I got a bit of conversation out of him, I think I just talk too much and swallow the heads of others like a venus fly trap, nom.
 I ended up sounding like a man throughout most of the hour which was nice, at one point I'm pretty sure people wouldn't of been able to tell the difference between me and matey boy.

I then ventured into the training studio to get back to basics and learn the desk again, it's not as daunting as I remembered and got a bit cocky with it until Terry the manager came in and I forgot to turn my mic off when playing a song, rookie mistake to make.
I'm not going to lie to you but the recording I did today has not been my best, ohhh no sir, I didn't realise how much I used the term ( if you want to call it that) "umm", to be fair I had no content whatsoever so what was coming out of my mouth was off the top of my head.
I'm in two minds to upload it to this blog but I fear I will be laughed at rather than people laughing with me, we shall see, I'll see how ballsy I'm feeling after this entry.

After a few more trial runs and training myself to stop saying "umm" after every other word, I should be doing a Tuesday afternoon show from 2-3pm, so if you guys have nothing better to do or you're feeling a bit rebellious and want to piss your work colleagues off, tune into 107.8fm or if you live in Azerbaijan and can't get us on your radio but thankfully have the internet, go to http://futureradio.co.uk/ and you will see at the top a big fuck off huge button saying "LISTEN LIVE", if you can't see it then you're a moron and I don't want you to listen in anyway!

The show on which I shadowed, I stumbled across a bunch of local music and in the corner of my weird little eyes I saw someone I knew " Alex, play those guys, I know them!" he was more than happy to accept my demand ( obviously, I am a woman and women have needs) and so played the song. Now I bet you are all sitting there so eagerly awaiting to know who I am talking about?

No? Well then stop reading my blog.

Yes? Good, ME TOO, I'm of course referring to the Kings and Crows- Kings and Crows Facebook  (go and 'like' their page, you know you want to)

Yes, that band with the singer who makes dancing look like a bit of a tourettes tick but does have a lovely collection of cravats.
They are from the beautiful and fine city of Norwich (well, near enough) and are going to be gracing The Waterfront on the 30th March for their EP launch, how very exciting!
Tickets are 5 English pounds and doors open at 7pm, buy your tickets here - Kings and Crows tickets

If you haven't heard any tracks by these rapscallions then you've obviously been burying your heads in something much less interesting( what's wrong with you?) so I am going to serve you one their videos on a platter, with all the trimmings!
                                                 Kings and Crows- Clumsy Casanova
                                       ( filmed by Future Radio at The Next Big Thing final)

I have no doubt in my mind that Kings and Crows are going to explode this year like an overstuffed pinata and shower you with lots of delicious indie pop.

Let's talk about rap baby, let's talk about you and me...

I'M ILL. I have some kind of knife party going on in my throat and it feels like someone has shoved two tampons up my nose and they have expanded to the point of no return. The amount of mucus that's gagging to explode out of my face is intense, mucus volcano. I'm so glad I'm alone right now so nobody can see the atrocity that is my face.

However, this will not stop me from writing, unless of course mucus starts seeping out of my nail beds, then we've got issues. But until then, this keyboard is all mine!

To make things slightly better, I did find a pot of Vicks which I have successfully plastered all over my nose and chest.

Can I also just add, why is it that when you're under the weather your neighbours decide to have, what sounds like, a bunch of cavemen with sledgehammers to knock a wall down. I am going to play Cannibal Corpse at an extremely high volume until their fingers fall off and no more work can be done.

I've been following Don't Flops videos for a few years now, and somehow the battle between spoken word poet +Mark Grist  and student Bradley Green ( AKA MC Blizzard), slipped through my fat little sausage fingers. It has got to be one of the best battles I have seen, as well as it being extremely comical it is slightly controversial with the teacher vs student aura around it. as much as I enjoyed Blizzard, Mark Grist blew this guy out of the water, absolutely flawless and so well done, if this was genuinely made up on the spot ( which most of the time it is and even if it wasn't) it's a corker.

I had the pleasure of going to college with Rowan Faife, the Co-Founder of Don't Flop and even back then he was always talking/listening/bragging about his social life and the raps/artists he was passionate about.
 Being the alternative, emotional and highly strung 17 year old that I was, I just ignored him, I thought he was a bit of knob( sorry Rowan) and just wanted to be noticed( I can't talk, I used to have two toned hair, wore skinny jeans and a mass amount of eyeliner).
Rapping wasn't really my thing when I was 17( maybe a bit of Tupac if I was feeling outlandish) but over time I appreciated it and actually found certain artists I enjoyed listening too, including some I've found through Don't Flop.
Jolly Jay is a prime example- JollyJay & H-to-O Myspace
2 English/German filmakers who decided to turn their interest in hip-hop into a reality. Check out some of their songs on Myspace.
I also suggest taking a little trip to their own website and watch their triumph of travelling from Berlin to Morocco, selling their CD along the way to earn the money to get them to Casablanca to perform a show - dontletthelabellabelyou
If you like what you see then drop by their shop and buy their CD, I have it and love it- http://dontletthelabel.bigcartel.com/

Rowan has really worked hard to get where he is today, I can safely say that us dicking about at college has obviously not affected his success. Don't Flop is a widely spread entertainment company, you can watch these battle events in most major cities in the UK, just check out their website for dates- Don't Flop Events Page
or even better, 'like' their Facebook page and get all the updates on what they are up to- http://www.facebook.com/dontflop

To my delight, +Mark Grist  is playing at the Norwich Art Centre on the 20/03/13 and for an absolute steal of £7( £5 if you're a skint student), I'm all over it like a rash, a really really aggressive rash.
Tickets can be bought here- Norwich Art Centre- Mark Grist Tickets
If you want to find out more on this absolute babe of a poet, go to his website- http://markgrist.com/

As we are on the topic of poets, my father, one of the original hipsters may I just add, over the years has compiled dozens of poems. They are currently stashed in a dusty draw at his house, but me being me, I decided to get them out, dust them off and have a read through to find some gems.

If you ever get the pleasure of meeting my father, you will understand that he likes peanuts, ale, The Times newspaper, Leonard Cohen and brogues. He dislikes: Audi and BMW drivers, people who don't indicate at roundabouts( Audi/BMW drivers), Tractors( screwed there, he lives in the ass end of nowhere) and Sarah Jessica parker " She looks like a horse".

My father was privately educated but you wouldn't think it, he doesn't believe in having lots of money,  he doesn't own a niche company in Switzerland or is a stock broker, he is just Dad, Dad with a shit Peugeot and Sciatica.
He went to The Royal College of Art London to study Graphic Design, landed a cushy job as a designer, got bored and from what I've been told has done the following jobs: Lifeguard/Light Assistant in a Soho strip club/Window Dresser for Selfridges/ Postman/HGV Driver/Antique delivery guy... everything you can possibly think of David Fullerton has done it and I think it's rad. I love my dad with all my heart and if were a man, I too would be just like my dad. TEAM DAD.

ANYWAY, I thought what better way to go behind my dads back by publishing some of his poems on Tumblr? I'm so clever.

So here it is- http://thewalkingpoet.tumblr.com/ , If you like poems that are completely bizarre and don't really make much sense, then you'll most probably enjoy them. As soon as I venture back into the abyss that is North Norfolk, I shall retrieve some more poems and poke him a bit to compose some more for us all to enjoy!

Jobs don't grow on jobby trees after all.

Okay, so as some of you are aware, I was made redundant recently and am on the hunt for a really fulfilling and prosperous career( haha), so I set myself up for an appointment at the Job Centre. This festering hole of a place was an experience and a half.
The first person I encountered I actually knew, good start, using his degree to the fullest I see. He was dressed to the nines, wearing +Nudie Jeans Co  (I've been informed you have to wait 6 months to wash them, something to do about the creases in the jean and each crease has a particular name...yep, unbelievable.), DM boots, probably a Penfield coat and a ridiculously expensive hat (made from the finest cashmere straight out of the Mongolian outback no doubt). I thought to myself " wow, you really have put those benefits to good use", if you're going to the job centre every week to try and claim money, don't wear the nicest clothes you own and make out you STILL can't find a job, be tactful, wear some trackies and the least favourite Nike Airs you own if you really have to.

It's people like my friend who make me laugh about this system, he has no intention of getting a job whatsoever, he just fills in the online ' Universal Jobmatch' 10 minutes before his appointment and makes out he has been extremely busy seeking for "jobs" hence the mad 10 minute rush of adding on all these "jobs" he has applied for. Absolutely bollock. The only jobs he is interested in is Steve Jobs, the creator of the fabulous MacBook, god forbid what would he do without that? He couldn't illegally download films, use Garage Band or Tweet! Heaven forbid!

I noticed a lot of people in the job centre were all sporting very nice and very expensive shoes, okay fair enough, it was christmas not long ago, but let's be honest, you've used your fortnightly dole money down JD Sports, you can't afford your families food shopping but at least your feet aren't getting wet. Swings and roundabouts.

I personally find the Job Centre good for people that actually give a shit i.e: me. I don't intend on sitting on my arse all day in a pair of overly priced jeans pretending to apply for jobs. Nobody likes working, let's be honest but I also don't like mugging myself off or the rest of the working world for that matter. If that means me working in a supermarket stacking shelves for the next 6 months then so be it, at least I can say I bought my expensive jeans with the money I earned, ya dig?

Anyway, I get to meet the lovely Dawn this coming Friday, this is where I show her my showcase of jobs I have applied for and get a pat on the back for my good effort.

I just had a look on the Job Centre website and I am pretty sure I'm not qualified to become a ' 360 Excavator Driver' - "Applicants must also have confidence and experience operating an 14 tonne machine on a busy construction site."  - Well I sure as hell don't have the confidence let alone the experience, surely a construction site alone is quite dangerous, but a BUSY one. What happens in a busy construction site? Do they have there own little set of traffic lights because of the heavy flow of vehicles and a Starbucks on each corner? I say this, but I bet they do have bloody traffic lights. 

I also don't have the skills to be a Sous Chef, Health Care Assistant, or a GRP Laminator( what?) but being a Semantic Team Leader sounds hella fun. I think I need to go into the 'options' tab and un-tick " jobs Courteney clearly can't do or understand" box.
I feel somewhat disheartened that the aim of me joining the Job Centre was to apply for jobs applicable for me, it seems that I need to gain an HGV licence or go back to college and get a BTEC in culinary skills to earn some dollar.

"I'm having a bad time over here guys"

So, as predicted, last night was awful. The same old crowd, that being my regular cronies and then 80% of strangers who find The Waterfront club night the best thing since sliced bread, " OMG, SKRILLEX, THIS SONG IS TOTES AMAZEBALLS!!!"- Darlings, go home and rethink your life before you say that sentence again.
 These kids have clearly had sheltered lives if they think Meltdown is actually a good night out, but then to be fair I'm a 24 year old woman in a sea of 18/19 year olds who are on the other end of the "fun" spectrum. My idea of fun is writing my daily list of things to do( don't forget to put the bins out, recycling Tuesday!), putting my DVDs in alphabetical order, calling my mum, regretting the fact I called my mum and going to bed by 9pm. So in all honesty, I have no idea or had any purpose to even be in there last night. It's a guilty pleasure but without the pleasure. My shoes got ruined as well.

 Charlotte and I are going through our social frenzy cycle at the moment, this is when we venture out every weekend to the point where we know the djs playlists, where we are sitting in a club and we don't know any of the clientele but every single bar man and bouncer know who we are.
" You're here every week Courteney" - is what the girl on the door said last night, she then looked down at my hand to stamp it... last nights stamp remained engrained in my hand. I hung my head in shame and then looked at Charlotte, " awkward" she mumbled.
So, after this uncomfortable moment in time, we have decided to maybe lay off the socialising and just sit at home until the general public of Norwich forget who we are ( that could take a while).

My housemate and I have only been living in this house since December, I haven't spoken to either neighbour yet but what I do know is, Miss 172 is a nurse and doesn't seem to mind that we play exceptionally loud music at unsociable hours( unsociable for normal people that is) and Miss 168 has a beard and an emo kid for a teenager, who really pisses me off. I know we play music ( good music may I add) at high volumes but you don't need to shout about everything!
 He is either doing it to wind up his mother, which would make sense for the beard, stressing her out every hour god sends has made her testosterone level suddenly spike up ten fold or his singing voice has deafened him. His singing voice wakes us up at 6am and when I say singing, I mean more like a beached seal pup wailing because he's lost his mother in a tragic boating accident.
 It's not even remotely enjoyable to listen to, his choice of songs are bad( My Chemical Romance), I'm half tempted to go round there and post a cd of 'if you really have to sing at the top of your lungs at the crack of dawn, at least sing something good volume 1' ( a cd I will compilate myself of course) At least if he sings Prince or Bruce Springsteen he can ruin songs that I can actually sing along too.

I have decided that to make 2013 that much better me and two of my friends should form a three piece band. Similar to the band Haim, a three piece girl band from Los Angeles. They formed in 2006 but have only really started making it big last year.  The song " Forever" is the first song I heard by them, if you are like me and want the summer to arrive on your doorstep any day now, then listen to the song below. You will be sure to want to wear your sunglasses inside, pop on your flip flops, get the bikini out, lay a towel down at 4am to make sure you've got a sun bed for the day and drink a mojito out of a pint glass (umbrella optional).

Although, +Deap Vally are another good band from the US, they remind me of an all woman version of +The Black Keys with a little bit of Karen-O slipped in there for good measure. They are playing the  o2 Academy Brixton on the 22nd February, I'm going to be there, daisy dukes and all! 

Deap Valley- Gonna Make My Own Money
You also have to realise one thing about me, I don't play any instruments, unless the hand bells count? The last time I checked though, nobody past the age of 74 knew what they were.
When I was younger I used to play the recorder, violin and the hand bells. I don't know what kind of school my parents put me in but i'm pretty sure nobody else I know has ever played the hand bells. I'm going to bring them back.

I am also quite a fan of the artist Grimes, a Canadian musician, at the age of 24 she has already churned out three albums, good albums at that. 
Grimes ( aka:Claire Boucher) has a tumblr blog which is definitely worth following. Grimes Tumblr
Grimes- Genesis is by far one of her best tracks, the video is absolutely awesome. Directed by herself!
The outfits in this video are also incredible, hats off to the girls holding that snake though, jesus!

I think todays forecast is looking a little bit like this :
wait for Asda delivery man ( there's no need to make me wait between 10am-6pm)
Apply for soul destroying jobs
showering( debatable)

I'll make this a quick one...

I'm delaying going out into the wilderness that is the Norwich City streets. So I will just give you all a little taster of what is holding me back.

Local Natives-Wide Eyes - this song is flippin' brilliant. If you like the Foals, or Fleet Foxes you will absolutely, 120% love these guys, and if you don't then I have clearly drank too many beers and you're all still wrong! +Local Natives

plus: they are all relatively attractive, winning!
note to self: stop blogging whilst under the influence.

Numero Uno

So, I was walking home with my housemate Charlotte, and I just said to her, " I'm a funny person, I need people to realise this, how am I going to project this awesome gift I have, I need to let the people KNOW!", at first I think she thought  I was 100% full of myself but hey, I have a good trait going on here and I feel it's wasted on just my close friends. They love it, so why shouldn't others?

I thought to myself, maybe a blog would be a good way of projecting how bloody ridiculous I actually am. Let's be honest, most of my hilarity is due to stupidity if anything, but I felt that maybe this could be put on to paper, or, even better, keyboard to a blog.

I don't have an average life, it's just not possible for me. In the last 26 days I have been dumped on New Year's Eve, lost my job, broken one of my car windows from clearing the mountain of snow that was piling on top of what essentially is a Noddy car and got given half my pay check. What a way to kick me whilst i'm already down 2013. Some people call it bad luck, others might call it karma, I just find it a classic Courteney scenario. I find my unfortunate life somewhat funny.

Especially as I had two close friends reassuring me last weekend I wouldn't lose my job and that we can all laugh about how much I was panicking about the possibility of it happening. Yeah, they aren't laughing now.

So for now, I am applying for jobs my hearts not into, in my eyes any job right now is a means to an end and i'll be jet setting off to America next year ( with all this imaginary money I have) and run away to the +Burning man festival  and " find myself". If finding myself means running around the Nevada Desert naked i'm totally down with that. At least I will be able to perspire as much as I want and not feel embarrassed about my sweat marks on my "I <3 NY" t-shirt, I will be just one large sweat patch.

I had a lot of plans for this year to be honest, but so far i've just had bad luck, now now, don't feel sorry for me, i'm not here to completely wallow in self pity, oh no, but I was hoping 2013 was going to start off slightly more pro-active than panicking about when the next time I was going to find toilet roll! Last night was a prime example, you know when your life is at an all time low when you're stealing toilet roll from one of THE worst nightclubs in Norwich.
You also need to re-evaluate your life when even you don't have enough money for a couple of spicy chicken wings after a night out, haggling with the kebab guy for a cheaper deal on his reasonably priced food and then a homeless lady offers you the money.
Note to self: stop at the point when homeless people offer money.

I have been on the prowl the past few days, discovering some new music to tide me over until I get back into employment. I had a very educational lesson the other evening on music, specifically Hip Hop. Back in the day I was never a massive fan, to me Hip Hop was all about big blokes rapping about selling drugs, getting high and "hoes". After a bit more delving, at the age of 15, I discovered a DJ called Aim, he was mainly trip-hop which I had never heard of before but just became hooked, this was one of my favourites: http://youtu.be/mqDDtK1FQv4 - Aim, No Time To Waste.

 I then discovered RJD2 which included a lot of jazzy vibes which I was digging, they also brought in a lot of hip-hop stuff too, like this little diamond: Rjd2- F.H.H
So at the age of  15 I thought listening to this was cool, therefore making me cool(er), but it didn't, the music stayed cool, I just stayed the same; a girl with an awful haircut, chewing gum stuck to the arse of her school trousers and an Eastpak rucksack down to her ankles. So unless that were the height of fashion in the early 2000's then I was a bit of  grungy weirdo. To this day, being told to put your trousers in the freezer to remove chewing gum must be a lie!

So back to my educational expedition the other day, I discovered this website +bandcamp.com which is basically a place where artists can upload their music and people can donate or buy their albums/EPs or download it. It's a great website to discover some new artists, especially if you are feeling a bit adventurous one day and want to broaden your musical horizon! I found a really good group on there called Vanilla (http://vanillabeats.bandcamp.com/) if you're into jazz/hip hop/experimental music then these guys are definitely worth a listen. There most recent album is called For What It's Worth and it's what you need when all you want to do is drink a tea/wine/rum take those desert boots off and have a sit on a ridiculously soft sofa.

On my Bandcamp travels, I also came across these guys, +Chill Bump , absolutely awesome EP called Hidden Strings. If you are a fan of downtempo/instrumental/hip hop then give these guys a shot. I am looking forward to listening to their other work.

Now, I can't say that all my little gems I found were through the internets, oh no, my educational journey began with an acquaintance of mine, in fact, it was a bit of a youtube-off, we were trying to out do each other with the knowledge of music we have stored up in our sad pathetic little heads. It's safe to say I am definitely out of the loop.
I have been introduced to this group from Detroit called Clear Soul Forces-These guys really aren't interested in telling you how they like to smoke drugs and smack dat ass. They are purely on the intellectual level of hip hop. They do actually look like a bunch of geeky I.T guys but have this dirty little secret.  Get No Better was the first song I heard and just melted a little bit. Suck it and see, I can assure you, you won't regret it.

I am about to endure a second evening of drinking alcohol with probably a bunch of people I don't particularly like and pretend that I do, just to make my life easier. That may sound mean but come on, everyone has done it, right? Don't get me wrong, I like people,  I just hate it when you have to make idle chit chat to someone you couldn't give a flying F about. I'd rather sit at home with a bottle of the finest blonde beer, listen to what I want in the comfort of my own boudoir instead of guzzling VK Blues until my tongue looks like a rainbow, get my new +Clarks Shoes dirty and get pushed around like i'm in some 1999 Limp Bizkit mosh pit. I am just too old for that.